WANT TO TRAVEL THE WORLD? HERE IS A BRIEF GUIDE ON HOW TO GET FREE ALL EXPENSES PAID WORLD TRAVEL FOR YOUR SPOUSE AND FRIENDS.

STEP 1: Get "appointed" to ACCA Council.

The secret is to make sure that you do not advance a reformist agenda. Do not 'rock the boat'. Do not ever question the leadership. Do not ever suggest anything about democracy and openness. Suck up to the leadership, especially as the President casts 25% of all the votes. So your "appointment" is guaranteed!!

STEP 2: Keep on sucking-up to the leadership and bide your time.

ACCA members are not permitted to elect the officeholders. It is all based on the the principle of the Buggins Turn. So your turn to become an officeholder will come unless of course you have rocked the boat. Do not ever write an article against the official policies. Do not ever speak at the AGM. Once an officeholder you can take your spouse, mistresses, friends and whoever you like on world wide trips and charge the cost to ACCA. It is estimated that this activity costs members some £40,000- £50,000 each year.

STEP 3: Disclose nothing.

Surely, members approval is needed for such expenditure. Besides,  FRS8 requires that all related party transactions be disclosed.

Don't worry. ACCA members are not allowed to table any such resolutions. The Association simply ignores FRS8 and its accounts, audited by one of its members, are always described as 'true and fair'. So there is no disclosure and no check.

STEP 4: Silence all dissenters.

But hang on. Surely, members would protest and write letters. Sure they do. But the in-house magazine is highly censored. Letters critical of the leadership are rarely published. In case any member gets too smart, ACCA will write to his/her employers and exert pressure. The ACCA wrote to Professor Sikka's employers without his knowledge.

If a member persists on transparency then the leadership has other ideas for silencing him/her, as demonstrated by a recent ACCA Vice-President (Jim Waits). The idea is to silence reformers by publicly calling them "WANKERS" and other names. Whilst the UK newspapers reported the unsavoury conduct of the hierarchy the ACCA in-house magazine did not report it.

Surely, members can go to other indepdent magazines. Of course they can. But the officialdom has also threatned Accountancy Age (letter from ACCA Chief Executive dated, 20 September 1996) saying, "I suggest that you need to take very great care indeed about future material which you publish over the names of Messrs Sikka and Mitchell and their supporters".

STEP 5: Tell nothing.

What if some officeholder is found to be misbehaving? In that case if necessary, ACCA might hold a disciplinary hearing. It is always important to put on a show and find a scapegoat. The trick is to make sure that the news to members is always censored.

The past precedence is that the outcome of such hearings is not publicised in the in-house magazine. So the ACCA in-house magazine failed to say anything about the public ridicule of its Vice-President, Jim Waits. Under pressure, a disciplinary hearing was held but the official magazine never published the outcome.

SO IT IS EASY TO SECURE FREE WORLDWIDE TRIPS FOR SPOUSES AND FRIENDS AND CHARGE THE COST TO THE ASSOCIATION.